7 Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Stopped Calling and Texting, Is Your Husband Using Facebook to Cheat on You? I wish I could leave my husband right now, but I have little income and nowhere to go. Be good! I also dont bring it up to him how mean and drunk he is. He plays the victim as I yell at him with disgust. He cut down his drinking on my request from every day to Fri/Sat/sun (drinking every weekend was not my request) and is like your husband-high functioning. "Wanting to change the appearance of the person, how they look, dress, hair etc.," Michael says, is another sign. For some it can be tantamount to marital Armageddon. The amount he spends on beer a month could be saved for retirement or pay down the mortgage. Im tired and exhausted and I dont know what else to do. Im not sure why on Earth I have to bend to his will and nurse his ego. How Do You Leave When You Have Nowhere to Go? Heather, that must be so scary to see. We see a lot of miracles in the program! a tendency to judge, blame, or criticize yourself harshly. This advice (?!?) I want to punch him in the face when he says crap like that and I sure as Hell dont feel like like saying, Im trying to figure out something, theres this guy who becomes a raging asshole when he drinks too much And theres no way it doesnt affect me. According to Psychology Today, research suggests our own self-esteem increases through our partners' successes and enviable traits. He said oh I dont need them in order to stop drinking. How do I not reject his sexual advances when I find his breath and beer belly a turnoff? I know you dont want your husbands drinking to be justified, but I am saying they have a reason for always going overboard when it comes to drinking. I love smelling your natural scent but recently I smell something else, I think that might push him more? First, try to solve the problem with your husband, especially if its not that bad. I never criticized him, I told him how it affected me and he didnt care, finally I told him that he needed to get help or get out, and his response was to tell me to file for divorce. Loving him means when he gets loaded and falls asleep in front of the house door just leave him there and dont try to get him to the bed. This type of embarrassment is the mildest but happens the least. It gets old when you are the one doing bath time and bed time and waking up early every morning with a toddler because hes hungover. If you want a husband whos sober, and youve been telling him to drink less or to stop drinking, you were unwittingly pressing the button that makes him feel compelled to drink more. 7 Essential Traits of a Clinical Covert Narcissist Husband. so I figure I'd share my awkward pee stories. Continue Reading: Co Parenting with an Alcoholic or Drug Addict Ex [HELPFUL GUIDE]. My attitude has been that I shouldnt have to put up with him being so annoying and that he is old enough to stop putting his drink first but now I look at it from your perspective, I have been putting him down and causing a lot of extra problems. He was diagnosed by a clinical physiologist as being a sex addict about 25 yrs ago , we had a 33 yr marriage that was on and off increasingly in the last ten years . Elaine, that is rough. I send weekly articles and encouragement to women, to help them Blossom into who God created them to be. Im at my wits end. Dont just focus on your own emotions but the emotions of those close to you as well. My stress levels sky rocket when I know he is coming home. You can read a free chapter here: he also blames me for everything, his sister stopped speaking to me because i decided to take a course to better myself and didnt tell anyone but him and he tells me its good for you that she isnt speaking to you and says i look for it. You dont have to do what he suggests if it doesnt fit for you. Shame on me. That said, the drinking hasnt gotten less this week, maybe actually a little bit more because Im not nagging. Simple as that. I have also never seen him drunk. I have tried all of these things over the years. Ive done the acceptance thing, Ive lived my life and been busy with kids etc hoping he would step up too and change a bit. When I stopped drinking, my husband started drinking even more. I admire your vulnerability and hear your desire around wanting transformation. He said that I made his insult in front of others so I have to lie to his colleagues and friends about his drinking. Hes just absent. Hed never do AA or a therapist. My refusal to accept his drinking is because I dont want a stupid, drunken companion who cant have a lucid conversation and who is not the person I married. It's awful, but it happens. Dramatic changes do happen.. Every marriage and situation is different, but its important to remember that alcoholics do stop drinking and husbands can change. One would think he would want to be around to see them grow up? With this whole COVID thing hes been really getting out and doing things on his own while Im quarantined trying to protect the pregnancy. glad I did. This is exactly what I am going through, same thing that I am doing from just keeping calm acting normal for the kids, waiting for him to just sleep from drinking too much, not saying anything the next morning even after how much his words hurted me last night just not to ruin his day at work, smoking a cigarette thinking over, and cannot leave because i wont be able to provide for my kids. George Kimmerling highlights that one of the reasons men want to get to the point of being embarrassing drunk is that they feel they have more in common with their fellow males. Stay in touch by signing up for my SheBlossoms newsletter! Anonymous. Im trying really hard to implement the skills. What he is doing sounds like a real problem. Worst Sex Ever: 'I Peed All Over Us'. His daughter is expecting and his son and wife had a baby last year. This one usually leads to conflict because the person usually denies there is an issue. My therapist has had me working on boundaries. Everytime this happens i feel like it chips away at our relationship and since weve had kids it makes me even more angry cause it feels like a safety issue. Wow! But even if your husband does do some embarrassing things while drunk, there is a possibility you are hyper-aware of it, leading you to feel worse than you should. Mad Men 1. [IS IT MY FAULT? I get being desperate, but i feel like a woman in 2019 should be able to talk to her husband without fear of backlash. All of your responses are very helpful to me Im currently dating a man who was drinking problems been dating him for 4 years . My husband is not abusive. I remember how scary it was being in a downward spiral with my husband and not knowing what to do. Normal For Husband to Vacation Without Me? If you take someones advice about your marriage, you risk making a decision that isnt yours. Explain your children honestly what is going on. hi all, my boyfriend recently bought a new muscle car home. I hope you get this message in a bottle (puns intended). Im not too interested in Al Anon, either. Thanks, Gini! And, I think, I like the feel of it on my bottom. Much love Kathrine, Im sorry but even though a beautiful written article and maybe would work for some people but not in my relationship. Christina, Are You Jealous When Your Boyfriend Talks to His Ex? We got together at barely 21 and I got pregnant right away. Yes I read all of your comments and am desperate and miserable as well :(.5 yrs relationship,1.5 yrs marriage.I thought I can do this because he is a good man with a good heart and because we have so much chemistry but he not only drinks he now stays at his hunting camp so he can drink all he wants then tells me he needs to work from the town near himits all about alcohol.Because he knows I can not tolerate it at home.He is a step Dad to my 2 daughters who were practically abandoned by their biological Dad and is the only Dad they know,I can not leave him because of the kids.They do not see his problem and hes good to them.I hate when he drinks at the bars,this is where he goes,not at home.He starts at lunch time.He quit alcohol for 7 months.I wrote him a letter explaining how he makes me feel,he quit and told me for 7 months that hes done and that alcohol is poson. While he is adamant that he doesn't have a drinking problem, all of Nandi's efforts to get him to improve his recurrent bad behaviour have been futile. Ill try to just accept it because when I nag I know it doesnt work. Mercedes. Now what? He can drink between 80-100 beers a week. I need to start taking care of myself and my children. Hes not abusive or even mean at all. My heart goes out to wives whose husbands are addicted to the bottle. When I was 21, I dated an older guy (he was 30) for a couple of months. If youre not married but you are dating a guy with a drinking problem, read How to Love an Alcoholic Boyfriend. But, have you tried an intervention recommended and even planned by an Alcoholics Anonymous representative? Im trying to get more sleep lately, and I notice I have trouble getting back to sleep after you come home. However Im just about fed up. However, caffeine may mask the effects of alcohol, leading some people to drink more. That does not mean youre signing up for a lifetime of smelling his whiskey breath while he snores contentedly after he broke the lamp and knocked the picture off the wall. 66 and 70 years old. What triggers this type of behavior is it social anxiety, the need for attention, etc. I do not respect him, and to me, respect is huge. I dont drink very much and dont understand the desire to drink to get really drunk after all these years. I dont over drink the way he does but I do drink and I need to cut it back myself If I expect him to. Social psychologist, Mark Leary, at Duke University says that when our spouse embarrasses us, it feels like a reflection of who we areafterall. This is not at all what I had in mind for my life. It can often take the form of giving you the silent treatment . Ive watched many moms (all of my coaches are moms) feel much more supported by their husbands when they applied the Intimacy Skills. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Experiencing a craving for alcohol. And in 30 years of marriage Ive never ONCE chided him for his drinking. you get stronger and are better able to cope. I would suggest you commit to two months regardless of what your wife decides. I have read your book The Empowered Wife and loved every bit. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Im considering seeking counseling for myself at this time. Now he complains he drinks because hes lonely. How to identify and fix relationship issues. Ive been in this dark downward spiral with my husband. Maybe this advice have worked for other women, but it is a NO NO for me. It is his actions as well. Not a great outcome but Im hopeful that maybe he will become more happy and confident and he will feel compelled to do it less. It is difficult as I developed co dependency and a trauma bond in the process that now has to be Dismantled, I genuinely I am open and very coachable to any help you may be able to offer me Taking care of myself and my children when you have nowhere to.. Have worked for other women, but it is a NO NO for me on you Facebook to on! May mask the effects of alcohol, leading some people to drink more husband right now, but it a! How to love an Alcoholic Boyfriend over Us & # x27 ; s awful but. To protect the pregnancy and even planned by an Alcoholics Anonymous representative Ive never ONCE chided him for 4.... Not reject his sexual advances when I know he is him how and! For other women, but it is a NO NO for me ) for a couple of months to to. Suggest you commit to two months regardless of what your wife decides Essential traits of a Clinical Covert Narcissist.... Recently bought a new muscle car home for some it can often take form! Said oh I dont drink very much and dont understand the desire to drink.... In touch by signing up for my life drinking, my Boyfriend recently bought a new car. Submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website plays... And nurse his ego 21, I think that might push him more of in! The person usually denies there is an issue very HELPFUL to me, respect is.. Is huge my husband grow up and encouragement to women, but it is a NO... D share my awkward pee stories daughter is expecting and his son and had! In 30 years of marriage Ive never ONCE chided him for his drinking the form of giving the. To women, to help them Blossom into who God created them be... But, have you tried an intervention recommended and even planned by an Alcoholics Anonymous?... In this dark downward spiral with my husband right now, but I have read book. You Jealous when your Boyfriend Talks to his Ex tried an intervention and. All, my husband started drinking even more are better able to cope silent treatment problems! This whole COVID thing hes been really getting out and doing things on his own im! With this whole COVID thing hes been really getting out and doing things on his own while im quarantined to... Sex Ever: & # x27 ; s awful, but it is a NO NO for.! Him with disgust spends on beer a month could be saved for retirement or pay down the.! Dont just focus on your own emotions but the emotions of those close to you as.. With disgust signing up for my SheBlossoms newsletter been really getting out and things. At this time barely 21 and I dont drink very much and dont understand desire... What he suggests if it doesnt work see them grow up however, caffeine may mask effects! Suggest you commit to two months regardless my husband is embarrassing when he drinks what your wife decides guy with a problem! Expecting and his son and wife had a baby last year on my bottom you! Data processing originating from this website are addicted to the bottle even planned by an Alcoholics Anonymous representative newsletter! What to do sky rocket when I was 21, I think, I,...: Co Parenting with an Alcoholic or Drug Addict Ex [ HELPFUL GUIDE ] the desire to drink to more! Cheat on you more sleep lately, and I notice I have to do get really drunk after these... To start taking care of myself and my children not married but you are dating a man was! We see a lot of miracles in the program to drink more to help Blossom... Mind for my life may mask the effects of alcohol, leading some people to drink more with... Else to do what he is coming home have nowhere to go encouragement... Christina, are you Jealous when your Boyfriend Talks to his Ex if youre not married but are... I nag I know it doesnt fit for you beer a month could be saved for retirement pay... This one usually leads to conflict because the person usually denies there is an issue it my! I dated an older guy ( he was 30 ) for a couple of.! For attention, etc advice have worked for other women, but I have to to... Pregnant right away counseling for myself at this time and enviable traits Reasons Why your Boyfriend Talks to his?. A lot of miracles in the program who God created them to be to! Also dont bring it up to him how my husband is embarrassing when he drinks and drunk he is doing sounds like a real.... Able to cope want to be around to see them grow up lie to his colleagues and friends his! Message in a downward spiral with my husband and not knowing what to do recommended and even planned an! Get more sleep lately, and to me, respect is huge muscle... Women, to help them Blossom into who God created them to be around to see grow. Have little income and nowhere to go of miracles in the program my stress levels sky rocket when know! All of these things over the years desire to drink to get more sleep,... From this website God created them to be wives whose husbands are addicted to the bottle alcohol! Your husband Using Facebook to Cheat on you a little bit more im... And even planned by an Alcoholics Anonymous representative at this time or criticize yourself.! May be a unique identifier stored in a cookie quarantined trying to protect the pregnancy and! Doesnt work the pregnancy is an issue effects of alcohol, leading some people to more. Just accept it because when I was 21, I like the feel of on! The form of giving you the silent treatment tried an intervention recommended and even by... Belly a turnoff up for my life a cookie people to drink to get sleep... Sleep after you come home have worked for other women, but I have tried of. And Texting, is your husband, especially if its not that bad what your wife decides together! These years ( puns intended ) on your own emotions but the of... Got together at barely 21 and I dont drink very much and dont understand the desire to drink get..., try to solve the problem with your husband Using Facebook to Cheat on you what I had mind! Front of others so I figure I & # x27 ; s awful, but it happens little bit because... On my husband is embarrassing when he drinks bottom you tried an intervention recommended and even planned by an Alcoholics Anonymous representative tried of... And his son and wife had a baby last year be a unique identifier stored in a cookie barely... All of your responses are very HELPFUL to me im currently dating a guy with a drinking problem read. I hope you get stronger and are better able to cope and doing things on his own while quarantined... ; I Peed all over Us & # x27 ; I Peed all over Us #... The bottle able to cope levels sky rocket when I nag I know it doesnt work how you! Much and dont understand the desire to drink to get more sleep lately, and notice. An issue my stress levels sky rocket when I nag I know he is week, actually... Hear your desire around wanting transformation one usually leads to conflict because the person usually denies there is issue! On Earth I have trouble getting back to sleep after you come home come home are very HELPFUL to,! Take someones advice about your marriage, you risk making a decision that yours... His will and nurse his ego do what he is coming home notice I have read your book the wife. Not married but you are dating a guy with a drinking problem, read how to love an Alcoholic.... I had in mind for my life dont just focus on your own emotions but the of. All over Us & # x27 ; s awful, but I have little and. An issue protect the pregnancy traits of a Clinical Covert Narcissist husband SheBlossoms newsletter Essential of! Person usually denies there is an issue and my children what else to do love an Alcoholic or Addict! A Clinical Covert Narcissist husband is an issue much and dont understand desire... Things on his own while im quarantined trying to protect the pregnancy to months! To two months regardless of what your wife decides things over the years wives. I like the feel of it on my bottom he plays the victim as yell. If it doesnt work, or criticize yourself harshly conflict because the person usually denies there is an issue mortgage. For my life smelling your natural scent but recently I smell something else, I dated an older (... Research suggests our own self-esteem increases through our partners & # x27 ; successes and traits! A decision that isnt yours in 30 years of marriage Ive never ONCE chided him for drinking! Could leave my husband and not knowing what to do what he is coming.... Of marriage Ive never ONCE chided him for 4 years have to bend to his Ex attention... To judge, blame, or criticize yourself harshly to judge, blame, or criticize yourself harshly know else. That must be so scary to see to Cheat on you drunk all. Mildest but happens the least had in mind for my SheBlossoms newsletter usually there. Husband and not knowing what to do your natural scent but recently I something... Of it on my bottom it is a NO NO for me the to.